Butterfly

Butterfly with a broken wing


Yet still trying to fly

Butterfly with a broken wing

Essence of pain delicately disguised



Butterfly with a broken wing

Still struggling to fight the fight

Knowing that no matter what

The sun will shine after night



Butterfly with a broken wing

Still beautifully ordained

Refusing to sit idly by

Refusing to succumb to the world’s pain



Butterfly with a broken wing

A broken heart to match

But forgetting not the sun’s bright rays

Remembering those better days



Butterfly with a broken wing

Refusing to give up

Knowing that as long as she tries

Victory is her reward

Heart Medicine

Being able to forgive is a very powerful medicine. It is very true that forgiving is for you and not for the other person. My Bishop has often said that not forgiving is like me taking poison waiting for you to die. The first time I heard this I had no idea what he meant, but the concept of forgiving was a new one for me. I had never really thought of forgiving as something that frees me.


This weekend gave me an opportunity to apply the principal of forgiving in a way that I never would have without realizations and revelations that God has provided me in the past several months.

My husband and I have been blessed to come to a point in our relationship where we feel safe to share whatever is on our mind. This past Friday night, he exercised this trust and openness and shared something that caused a bit of a strain. In his attempts to help a friend, his reputation had been put under fire. A comment had been made by the friend in an attempt to protect themselves but the untruth of the matter could have shattered months and years of work in our relationship. This person, in an attempt to cover a compromising situation for themselves, stated that my husband was unfaithful.

Given past experiences in our relationship, this gave me quite a bit of heartache. I intensely felt the need for revenge and for someone to pay for opening old wounds. I was in such a bad place mentally that I did not sleep Saturday night and was up for over 24 hours. I was furious and enraged. I had allowed anger to rest in my heart. I chose to disregard the heeding of Ecclesiastes 7:9 'Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.' I had allowed myself to become foolish. Proverbs 29:11 says 'A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control' New International Version. I was not in control of my thoughts or emotions. I was a fool.

I admitted to myself and to my husband that I knew the right thing to do was pray and ask God to help me deal with my anger and rage but I didn't want His help at the time. (Feeling that way may have been wrong but it was honest. Dishonesty with God prevents him from working with us and on us. Talk to God and be honest with him about your hurts, fears, etc. David did.) I wanted to be mad and I wanted someone to pay. Through choosing to live in a place of anger instead of forgiving, I almost missed the opportunity to grow and learn. I now have a testimony.

God showed me that if I did not forgive that person and harbored or gave room to anger in my heart, I am the fool. I would not move forward in the things that He has promised me and the things that He has purposed for me to do and succeed in. I had to make an inward decision to forgive. I forgave the person and I forgave myself. Do not forget to forgive yourself. We make mistakes, we fall short. Don't keep making yourself pay for these things. Remember to forgive you.

In the things that have happened in your life, forgive. Past, present and beyond, forgive. Forgive for you and not for them. The longer you do not forgive the longer you will see the desires of your heart pass out of your reach. Never think that it is too late to forgive. You can forgive someone today for something that happened years ago. God is a redeemer of time. Don't let the enemy fool you into thinking it is too late. It is never too late to forgive.

Forgive and experience the joy and peace of God's love.

Christmas 2009

Christmas 2009 has come to a close and I find myself looking at one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever been blessed to receive. You can tell how much a parent cares for their child by the types of things they do for them or in the gifts or the little gestures. You can tell a husband's love for his wife by the time, thought and planning that they put into the things that concern them. I don't believe that the cost of the gift or the frequency of the giving is what determines the amount of love or thought. It is in the details of the gift. Does the gift fit that person's personality? Does this gift meet a need or a desire? Will this gift add to this person or make them better in their work or hobbies? Is this something that I know that they will get value out of? These seem to be the types of things that people think about when they are looking to give a gift to someone that means a lot to them.

There is a great amount of time, thought and caring that goes into the gift giving process. There have been times when I have opened gifts and I am amazed at how the person could hit the nail's head so very accurately and that is much how I feel about my gift.

The gift I have is not something I didn't already have but things pertaining to the gift could use some upgrades or replacing. Things didn't always seem to work the best and at times I would feel frustrated that something needed to change. At times I grew irritable and even had thoughts of just forgetting about the gift and seeing how life would be without the use of it since things were not the way that I felt they should be. But thankfully there were strong, smart, reliable people in my life that reminded me of the value of the gift. The gift hasn't been recycled but there were some system upgrades made.

I am sure at this point the question is, what in the world is the gift. The answer is my husband. My Father took time to pick someone that is just right for me. He adds to me and makes me better. He finds ways to encourage me to be better and do better and find ways to improve myself. He is supportive, loving, caring and patient. These things are not always the easiest to be towards to me because even I can realize that I am not the easiest person to live with.

God blessed me with someone who not only gets me but allows me to be who I am. I never have to pretend or put on airs. I don't have to always be grown and act right or always make the right decisions. I am free to be vulnerable and share my fears and dreams and laugh as loudly as I like. With him, I am free to range from a confident hard working woman to a giggling goofy little girl.

He meets me where I am. There were times that I didn't quite understand what that meant but I am learning more and more. He is patient with me as I deal with my own hang ups. He doesn't look down from a perch of superiority or condescension but embraces me with understanding words and actions and nurtures me to a place of safety where I am free to grow into the things that God has called me to be.

He adds to me in more ways than I ever could have imagined. He does not act or function out of a position of dictatorship and the end all be all. He listens, ponders and ruminates on what benefits us both. Rarely are decisions made that he does not honestly feel is for the betterment of us both and not just himself.

So what about the upgrades, fixes and glitches that were mentioned earlier? They are things that I need to do. I need to change my focus and thought-pattern. My husband is not perfect. By no means is he even close, and he shouldn't be expected to be. No one is. Only God is perfect. Only God makes no mistakes. My husband is a man. Plan and simple. No Superman cape hanging behind the door and no special cans of spinach in the pantry. He is God's child and he lives every day to be a better person but just like everyone else, he has days when he doesn't quite get there. We all hit obstacles so why should I look to him as if he should never make a mistake. That is illogical, unfair and unsupportive. I need to change my perspective and this is an every day, every moment type of decsion. I need to not see my husband as the man he is but as the gift from God that he is. I need to see him as the Head that God appointed over my life. As I submit to him, in understanding of God's design, it allows him to go further in the things of God and the goals that he has for his life. Submission makes me realize that if I am not using time breaking him down and analyzing everything that he has done that I will have more time for actually loving him and building him up. I will be that fountain and place that he can find rest.


God has blessed me with a wonderful gift and my prayer this day is for the Lord to show me how to be a good wife, a supportive and caring wife and most importantly a submissive wife. It's not always easy but it is always right because I am submitting to Godly Headship. He is God's appointed authority in my life and in submitting to him I am moving myself in position to be blessed.


Thank you Lord for the wonderful gift that you have given me in my wonderful husband.


Remember to thank Him daily for the person He has blessed you with.  Love the one you've been blessed to have the opportunity to love and tell them that you love them.  Love is an action, not a thought.

HeartSpeak

What is HeartSpeak?  Heart speak is about the things that I am learning as a wife, a friend, a companion.  I have been blessed to have been married to my wonderful husband for almost eleven years.  This is my first and only marriage and I know in my heart that this is a true blessing from God.  I also believe that God blesses people to be a blessing and that is the reason for MzWilzHeartSpeak.  I know that God reveals thing to me that helps me and that can be helpful to others. 

Please understand that I am by no means claiming to have 'made it'.  I take the position of Paul in Phillipians 3:12 NASB 'Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.'  I just feel that through the things that the Lord has shown me that it is only right to pass along. 

Everything that is said within the blog may not be something that everyone can associate with or agree upon but if it is written, it is in the hope that it will be helpful to someone else.

Marriage is a blessing.  Marriage is a place of mutual healing, discovery and a safe place to grow and become a strong person individually.  When two people are committed to each other, marriage is a wonderful example of teamwork.  One thing that must be remembered though is that while you must be committed to each other, you must first be committed to God.  You must have your own relationship with Him.  Your spouse cannot do it for you.

So, this will be things that have helped or are helping me through this wonderful life journey.  I am blessed to have a husband who is my best friend and also someone I can confide in.  I have been given free privilege to ask any question that comes to mind and that is a freeing liberty and gift.

HeartSpeak, let's journey together in things that God has revealed through life experiences to help each other grow in our marriages and therefore pass it on to others to help them grow.